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By Belliah K Theise
June 15  2008 
Are You a Good Father ?                                                                                              
Congratulations fathers, I hope you all had a nice fathers day.
If you are not a father, do not worry, there are so many ways that you are entrusted in leading your own house hold and the communities that you live in. Most of us who grew up in broken homes, feels the emptiness of not having our fathers contribution in the family.  It is a sad situation.
The ones that grew up with both parents knows the importance of having a responsible, loving father. There is always an admiration when you are a fatherless child, and watch kids with loving caring fathers bonds  to them. As a child, you want a parent you can always look for, advice and guidance.
This message is for all fathers and anyone who falls in a  category of leadership in their homes.
Barack Obama’s Speech on Father’s Day
 Whether you are a pagan, christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and any other group not mentioned, parenting is the same. You are the father regardless your status, Married, single or widowed.
For those who do believe in God, or any guiding spirit that you follow in your lives, should understand that, every human being has the guiding spirit and this guiding spirit has given men a place of leadership in the family that no one else can fill. 
 One of the key factors that contribute to a child becoming a stable, productive adult who is able to form solid, lasting relationships in the presence of an active, engaged, and loving father.
Being a good dad is a tough job. How do you influence your family?
  • Since you have been entrusted the leadership of your homes , as a leader of your home, men, your work is to encourage and love your wives, that gave you children.  If you are the father, and all you do is fight with your wife in front of your children, you are setting a precedent to your children, they will grow up to be your mirrors.
  • Fathers do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instructions of good values in this world. That can only be achieved if you lead by example.
  • You should feel proud of yourself being a father. Women may luck some of your advantages, but you should treat your wives as equal. Women do need your support as fathers. Do not just aim to create children that you cannot take care of, and then re-appear when they are grown, show up to identify yourself as a father after they are grown up and successful. It is shameful. Grand mothers should not be there to raise your kids, yes they can help, but it is not their responsibility. If you can not take care of your own children then do not plant them, your parents raised you, so it is time to take responsibility to raise your own kids. For those who believe in God, lead your family to God. Never be a hypocrite. Children are very good judges. Do not look holy in public, and when you go home you become a nut case.
  • Ask Yourself. Where do I stand ? Are you a dry well with no flow of living water  to your family?
  • Learn basic skills. lead as spiritual man, learn the wisdom from those who have grown to be great fathers, great husbands, and great leaders in their homes.
  • Be authentic
  • Do not let children question your integrity because of your double standards.
  • The basic evidence of spiritual life is Love for your family.
  • Learn to be practical.
  • Learn how to conduct yourself , starting with the way you talk about women, people of different races, poor and those of other religions and beliefs. Children are what we teach them. They believe in things they hear from parents. Fathers watch out what you bring out of your children. They are watching every step you take?
  •  Questions you should consider……
  • What are your kids saying about you.?
  • How do you treat other people of different races or those of other religions?
  •  How do you treat poor people or people that lack social status? 
  • do you practice generosity?

Remember  ‘your values are much better caught than taught’

Practicing Generosity-

  • Are you selfish with your time and resources, Dad?
  • Do you find a way to give yourself what you believe that you need, while forcing your wife and children to go without?
  • When you need some time off do you just assume that your wife and children should adjust to your schedule?
  • Do you assign your kids to chores without working alongside of them?

“If so, you need to re-think your concept of generosity. Give, above and beyond duty. One of the lasting legacies you will give your family is teaching them to share themselves and their resources with others. Show them the way.”

Practicing Obedience- let faith invade every corner of your life. Obey the spirit about the practical things like what you choose to watch on TV, the way you play your sports games, the way you talk.

Finally, to be a good father, you need to give up your time, Yourself and your resources. Get  involved in some community services that can involve your family and make it joyful.

A word for Women

Mothers and wives, be supportive to your husbands and fathers of your children.

  • Stop being drama queens.
  • Never use blackmails in collaboration with your children to influence your husbands into your own endeavors.
  •  Women  make up 75% in raising of children, so goes our teaching. We spend and devote most of our time home raising children. In this case we contribute more in what our kids become in this world.
  • Be on the same page with your husbands or partners( fathers), otherwise, you are contributing to raising your own monsters.
  • If you are a mother, and have a tendency of gossiping about other people in front of your children, be aware that you are planting the seed in your children.
  • Never wear two personalities, Humble and crazy. Your children will follow suit.
  • Never pick fights with your partners( husbands/fathers) in front of your children, go in a private room( your bedroom) to discuss your disagreements, never in front of your kids.
  • Stop running off, fathers of your children. Whether you like it or not your man will remain the father of your children, and children will view him as their father regardless of what you preach to them. Be respectful and supportive. Your differences with your partner has nothing to do with innocent children that are born out of your relationship. Likewise, to men. Respect your wives and mothers of your children. They are not baskets to carry your children. Treat your women  with love.
  •  Sacrifice yourself  to devote your time to your kids .
  • In order to raise your kids with good values. Fathers and Mothers should Lead by example.

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 Thanks a trillion,

Belliah K Theise

Chief Operating Officer and Editor

Zambian Chronicle

 

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